very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
