bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
