What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
