I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
