He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
