Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
