his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
