What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
