I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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