She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
