At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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