what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
