She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
