I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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