dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ok first of all what the fuck
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
