Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have aggressive nipples.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
