A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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