I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
