i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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