Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
