It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
