she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
