plz talk dirty to me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
