I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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