oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
