Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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