Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
