Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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