I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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