why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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