So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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