i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
