its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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