when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
