State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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