if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
