she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize