I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
