Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
