Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
