he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize