You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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