Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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