eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
