u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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