So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
