just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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