You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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