pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
