You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Randomize
