I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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