So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
