Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
