My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
