it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
