Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
