I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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