Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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