Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
