Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize