does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
