he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize