I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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