just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
