yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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