Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
