ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
