My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
