Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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