I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
