Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
