Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
