i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize