i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
