Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
