Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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