she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
