He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
