The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
