Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
