He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
