i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
